i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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