i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
