On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
