hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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