I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
