theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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