This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Randomize
