Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
