I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
