i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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