People in love make me want to vomit
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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