I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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