I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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