I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Sorry my hands just texted you
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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