If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Randomize
