Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Randomize
