Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
