I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
