I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Randomize
