i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
