Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
