WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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