my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
