i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
