I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize