i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
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