so that wasnt chicken after all
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Randomize
