ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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