I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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