I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
