maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
