like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
No I am not eating basil off your cock
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
