i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Randomize
