I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
