I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
