I'm eating all of the evidence.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
