I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
