Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
