I look better un-naked...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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