i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize