ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
