that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
Randomize
