How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
