im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I looked at my own cervix.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize