The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Randomize
