just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
