I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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