So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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