Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
