he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
