you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
