I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
