so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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