i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
