He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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