Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
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