I murdered the dance floor call the cops
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I had to cum in my sink.
Randomize
