hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
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