I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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