You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
