don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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