Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
