Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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