I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You pole danced in your parka.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
