I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
