when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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