I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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