I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
