Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
We are all done wearing pants today
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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