Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
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