I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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