singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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