I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
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