jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I cannot find my penis.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
