My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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