we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
