Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
vagina is talking i cant
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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