so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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