I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
