She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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