I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Randomize
