I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
