She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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