Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
