i would punch a child for taco bell
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
