no, he came in my armpit
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
