STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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