cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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