I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
