her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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