then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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