I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
