I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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