My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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