just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
