Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
